sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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