i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
