I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
