i already hear my dad disowning me
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
