at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
