Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
