so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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