i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
