everyone is single if you try hard enough
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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