Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
