anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
