I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
