so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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