She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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