omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
