dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
