mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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