Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
