You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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