Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
