also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
