I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
