Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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