I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
