as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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