There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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