Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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