ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
