I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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