Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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