This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
