well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
