she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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