i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
