I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
