my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
