I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
