It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Send help, water and tortillas.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
