so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just high enough for therapy.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
