I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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