How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
