i may or may not be watching the land before time
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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