And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She told me I should be a condom model.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I smell like Dick and happiness
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