I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
