The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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