I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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