thus making me awesome and them whores
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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