My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
