The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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