not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
