My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
