My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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