i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
