Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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