I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is Oprah even human
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
