This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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