i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
