I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
