after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
