Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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