whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
